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Stranger posted memorial for my LIVING mother

My mother passed away 3 months ago. But I recently found out that some stranger posted a memorial to my mother a year ago. She had her gravestone set up in advance. There was no death date but that didn't stop them. They just put "????" for the death date. Obviously, if they are posting living people as dead, their standards for accuracy are rather slim. I have contacted them and got no response or apology, although the contributer did immediately remove the bogus memorial. I have however, received an email from a "friend" who is a find a grave contributer, who basically told me to get it removed and move on with life. I personally think that people need to give the families time to grieve before they go posting information on strangers. To them, the graves are just rocks with words. To us, they are our family members. I just wish they would stop hiding behind the response that they are "preserving their memory so they won't be forgotten." That is MY job not theirs. Go preserve your own family members, and let me preserve the memories of MY loved ones.
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These people are so disturbing and unable to show any humanity but welcome to find-a-grave. Jim Tipton wants to make people feel violated he has emotionally disturbed people working for free running this site It is a Breeding ground for the stereotypical wife beater to prey on the vulnerable.

Oh just because dates and stones are there that is an excuse for you to stop being human... good to know


SEE THE LIGHT" wrote to the OP: "I am glad you dont use the site, and I wont be seeing you there, good riddence!"

Just wait until you say that (or even something innocuous) to the wrong pet of one of the admins at f.a.g. and they get you banned just for disagreeing with them.

Your "almighty holier-than-thou" attitude could change overnight!

And I truly hope it does. And good "riddence(sic)" to YOU!


If a marker is in a cemetery the information is there. Pure & simple. The rules of posting pre need markers did not change until Dec. 2009, before they were acceptable.

Also, take a look at the 1000's of transcripts avaiable online, chances are you will find the marker listed there as well.

Photos of markers are placed to preserve the posterity of a cemetery, not to disrespect others.

It is not required to remove a pre need unless it was created after Dec. 2009 or unless the CLOSE famiuly requests it. In your case you had every right to request it's removal, however before getting all uptight you need to take a closer look at the reasons behind such a posting.


There are some dilly FAGers here on this forum, alright. Sorry about that.

Most, however, are very sweet and don't you to have a moment's anquish. You are absolutley correct that this stone should never have been uploaded. The rules are against doing that. I'm glad the uploader removed the page for you.

Some of the above *** members give us the rest of us a bad name. :sigh


How about paying the engraver? If she paid for her services ahead of time OBVIOUSLY she didn't know when she was going to die. DUH!

Eric A

It states right in the FindAGrave FAQs:

Is it acceptable to add a memorial for someone who is still living?

Please try to avoid it. In general, we do not encourage adding memorials for individuals that are still living. We do realize, however, that when transcribing a cemetery, it is not always possible to determine if the person is living or not. If it is obvious that they are still living (e.g. "1910 - ____ ), please do not add them to Find A Grave. You are always welcome to create a 'pre-need' memorial for yourself, if you would like, provided that you have a pre-need headstone already in place in a cemetery.


Calm down. It did not suggest your mother was dead. It recorded her public headstone which your family placed.

There are tens of thousands of pre-need stones listed on find a grave.

Patty C

I'm terribly sorry for your loss. I don't think you understand the purpose of this site.

At least you know where your mother is buried many people don't. This site can't provide psychiatric services but I'm sure there is someone in your home town who could refer you to someone to help you deal with your grief.


Well I guess people have to complain about something.


Not a problem! I don't want to be associated with a group of cruel people who don't care about the needs of the family and only care about the number of stones they incorrectly document.


I will not be responding here again. You are sick

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#188261 Review #188261 is a subjective opinion of poster.
Mount Laurel, New Jersey

Dont have friends name on cemetery list

find a grave states view (all) interments they leave out interments (3) of my friends when they state view that to me means you (see) there names on there list but these idiots at find a grave can't see much of anything this is fraud where my (3) friends are laid to rest is avon centre cemetery in grayslake I went through the list there names are not on it they definitely are buried there find a grave staff couldn't find there way out of a circle and cause grief maybe its eaiser for them to lie there a brown spot on this beutifl land of ours
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I understand your frustration. I take photos and list the name b.

and d. In most cases that is the only information I have. I am asked to search for headstones to photograph. If you want it done.

Give accurate information. i have spent up to 10 hours looking for one grave. Older Cemeteries have very little information and in most cases no caretaker. I infromation in the request.

The more I have the better the result. Did you try asking for it to be added? I am currently searching for headstones from people who requested it over 3 years ago. I am going as fast as I can.

But, I do have a life, Kids and job.

I do this part time to help geneologist. A little appreciation for THE THOUSANDS OF VOLUNTEERS WOULD BE APPRECIATED!


OK, first of all, findagrave does NOT make entries in any cemetery. Regular people make the entries - either for their family or for a genealogical society (my case). Listings are NOT necessarily accurate, and the people adding people may not put in accurate information. In some cases, the only information is what is on the stone, which may not be much.

My point is, garbage in, garbage out. The fault is not with findagrave, it is with whomever is typing in the entry.

If your three friends are at Avon Centre Cemetery, ADD THEIR NAMES AND DATES YOURSELF! That's the only way they will end up on the listing.

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#181247 Review #181247 is a subjective opinion of poster.
Chicago, Illinois

Find a Grave

Before folks register at Find a Grave website, you should understand that they are not concerned with accurate records - They are merely just another inaccurate Mormon data base. Plus each person needs to understand that the contributors on that site are very troubled individuals - These folks do nothing but complain and argue with each other constantly - The Find a Grave website is just poorly setup and no one needs to be able to claim dead people as their own, especially if they are not a direct family member My best suggestion, get another healthy hobby and stay off the Find a Grave website -
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Alana M

The number of complaints changes daily. There are literally hundreds of them on here.

Another interesting point is that this is not the only site where people have lodged complaints. I don't believe I have ever seen any one company receive so much negative feedback from so many people online, ever! This is a testimony of just how horrible the findagrave website really is.

The people have spoken - find a grave is broken! :roll


For those who don't know, the poster using the names "Blue Genes" and "OMG!!!" are one and the same. She wants people to think there are hundreds of thousands of people having problems. The problem is the person she sees in the mirror.


The bottom line - there are a lot of evil people that are running/involved in the f.a.g. website.

This is a site about the deceased. People that have died. It takes a horrible, heartless, cold and evil being to speak and act the way they do about a memorial website that represents the death of an individual.

When people die they are no longer with us and the family that is left behind is devastated. Only a heartless b*astard and an evil *** would disrespect the wishes of a family member concerning their dead relatives.


Great post and nothing has changed I love change

Read the FAQS guess who I am bahahahaha


First off dead folks are not Mormans. I have nothing against Mormans but I am not one.

But most Mormans are hardworking folks who are willing to share what they have for free. Like this Web Site. I do not have to pay $20/month to use it and I can find very useful info.

Sure there are crazies everywhere, look on Ebay. But for the most part I have had very few bad experiences and that was with members, not ***.


@kota069 (or, as you posted in the F.A.G. forums, Bill_K)

From my understanding, you neglected to read the FAQs or willfully chose to disregard them.

Guess you did not read the Sponsorship screen either (you know, the part about it being "non-refundable"). But the web-site "scammed" you.

Riiight. How do you function in the real world????


The list of reasons to denounce and avoid Find-a-Grave/Find-a-Scam seems to grow by the day, if not by the hour.

Still, *** is merely a scam. Fortunately they ONLY go to steal $15.00 from me before they exposed themselves. Their own greed and arrogance is their own worst enemy as they would likely have gotten much more had they been patient.

A collective lot of petty thieves; sheep composed of poor, miserable social misfits without productive lives or motivation, blindly led by Rev. Tipton.

“Birds of a feather…”

I guess that’s as good a place as any:

Find A Scam


AncestorAppreciator wrote: "They have great forums for folks to get involved in as a means to assist each other to learn more about our ancestors, how to research them, and where we come from."

Yes, they are great forums until you express an opinion to one of the "pets" of the owner's that makes them mad at you, and they get you banned from the site without notice or reason given.

So, if you want to participate, just don't forget to kiss *** never express an opinion of any kind, and you'll be just fine and happy as a clam.


I filed a complaint with the better business bureau when they banned me from the site and deleted all my memorials. Jim Tipton finally let me back in, but since has banned my account and left all my memorials intact.

So I went in and transferred all my memorials to a new account and when I went in today, he had transferred them all back to the original account!

So now I'm going on a massive campaign to report copyright violations on that website to as many places as I can, including the US Copyright Office, The US Attorney General and the FBI. I've already written letters to the LA and NY Times.


February 3,2011

To all the folks that have defended findagrave against all of the hideous, outrageous, and uninformed commentary that I am seeing posted...I bid you a huge heartfelt thank you!

For all of you that are still dealing with pain from losing a loved one I am sorry for your loss.

To those that are complaining and obviously do not understand the true intentions behind findagrave. Please allow me to clarify a few things for you.

This is a website dedicated to “memorializing loved ones” as well as documenting our ancestors. They have great forums for folks to get involved in as a means to assist each other to learn more about our ancestors, how to research them, and where we come from.

It is not done in bad taste nor in an effort to offend anyone or add to anyone’s grief. Stop taking the low road and complaining especially when you truly don't know what you are complaining about. For those that post comments such as videos of the deceased have been posted in their caskets is a complete crock. This is one of the first rules when posting on findagrave. No post mortem photos, etc. are allowed. They want it clean, respectful, and nothing morbid is to be posted or they will remove it. They have some pretty strict guidelines in an effort to keep it respectful and tasteful (please read up on it).

Consider yourself lucky that someone is honoring your loved one by entering a "memorial" on findagrave. I have met many wonderful fellow findagravers as well as have helped and received help in researching my ancestry for which I am truly grateful.

Loss is a hard thing to take. I just lost my father a year ago this coming Monday (Feb 7, 2011) but no one is trying to make it more painful for you. Trust me. It is all with good intentions. Before my father died I was able to find his GG Grandfather (my 3rd Gr Grandfather) on findagrave and learn that he was part of the Underground Railroad in TN before and during the Civil War (they helped many slaves escape to their freedom). So incredibly proud were we! And his father was a Revolutionary War Soldier that fought to gain our freedoms we take for granted today!

I am extremely proud and honored when I can go out and memorialize or visit my 1st, 2nd, 3rd all the way to my 11th & 12th Great Grandparents on some of my family lines via findagrave. I am sincerely thankful that findagrave has had a huge hand in helping me find and validate my ancestors dating back to the 1600’s so far.

Some people cannot get to a cemetery to visit their loved ones gravesite and this is a fabulous alternative. I know I can't. I can't travel to IN, IL, PA, NC, VA, TN, CA, and many, many, more states to visit my loved ones so I do so through findagrave.

You can leave virtual flowers, balloon bouquets, flags, even heartfelt notes, etc. You can even honor our brave fallen soldiers from over the centuries as well as from all over the world if you wish to do so.

It is a wonderful means to learn and document our history and your family history.

After all, if you don't know where you have been how do you know where you are going?

Please, give findagrave a break. Try and view them for the positive reasons, not the outrageous ones that are being posted. Especially unfounded comments that don't apply because people are making comments and accusations that aren't true.

Additionally, if you do find your family members on findagrave and want them removed contact the "Manager" listed on their memorial and ask them (kindly) to remove it.

Most are happy to do so as they do not want to hurt or offend anyone just as findagrave does not. But please keep it clean and respectful when you do make a contact. Vulgarity and negativity are definitely not necessary and typically gets none of us anywhere. It's just a waste of time and energy. And those you are "trying to protect" would not be impressed by that type of behavior either.

Findagrave may have been started by one person but it has become a very strong, happy community and in many ways like an extended family for many of us. I think I can speak for most, if not all of us that use findagrave; that we are all very happy that everyone involved is always so eager to help each other and treat each other in a thoughtful, respectful, positive manner. This in society today is a rarity and we all love the fact that complete strangers from all walks of life, all ethnicities, etc. are being nice to each other and showing respect to not only us, but our loved ones by memorializing them.

I also have actually found family members (distant cousins, etc) that I never knew existed. All in thanks to findagrave.

Thanks for your attention. And have a great day.

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#180052 Review #180052 is a subjective opinion of poster.
Clayton, North Carolina
Find A Grave Website

Findagrave locked out my IP

How low can they be? I battled with findagrave to respect my ancestors and to provide a way to block graffiti. They do not block graffiti attachments from non-family. It is not findagrave, it is findyourgravegrafitti. They locked my IP – you may locate me in a gulag somewhere in an extinct Russian outback, about a thousand miles from Alaska? Hey, thay have a staff of lawyers running for a political office I suppose. Okay, you are playing on the number of words to get to 100 - one two three four five six seven eight nine ten or so Ron
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What are graffiti attachments? What graffiti are you talking about?You mean ads? I have an ad blocker, I don't get attachments or ads.


FindAGrave has administers who work for free they also ban people who have individual opinions in the forum. They have a high tolerance for verbal abuse against anyone asking question and a low tolerance for anyone who confused by admins not following guidelines and banning people..... Administrators violating a volunteer photo system is what freaked me out and the promotion of verbal attacks in public bios of Family members



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#178751 Review #178751 is a subjective opinion of poster.
Georgetown, Texas
Find a grave is an arrogant web site that has no concern for the wishes of others. Yes allot of information is accessible through public domains. Most of their minions do not care about accuracy or privacy.Their biggest goal is to contribute more than another.Our...
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I somewhat agree with review below. Findagrave should have it that the family member be contacted and asked if its alright.

I think that is the prudent thing to do. I don't really care for them either they are very insinsitive because they think they have the law on there side so sc*** everybody.

No class, I would say they fall in between worms and carpetbaggers. In my case they didn't like what I had to say so they took my sons sight and put it so it can't be found or searched for and cannot be updated FROZEN.

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#171686 Review #171686 is a subjective opinion of poster.
Greensboro, North Carolina

Find A Grave

First the individual contributor for Find A Grave renamed our cemetery the William Dalton Cemetery. This was corrected to Reece Cemetery Dugspur Carroll County Va. She photographed all monuments. We finally got the names and monuments off the list but they will not remove the website, map or directions to Reece Cemetery. We have also sent an email letter from the owners of the real estate requesting removal of the website but to no avail. We can only assume they plan to add information to it later. This is private cemetery maintained by private funds and private real estate taxes. Find A Grave will not remove website.
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Grave Photographer, As a F.A.G. member myself, I know that it's a commercial venture.

Money is made from all those ads that flash around, from the partnerships with other companies, like, and a dab from the sale of the souvenirs. Try to be understanding, empathetic, and helpful to the nice comsumer, not all huffy and judegemental. You put the rest of us in a bad light.

According to the BBB, there are between 25-100 employees. All those employees need to be paid, so Mr Tipton HAS to make money.


Find a grave does not have 25 to 100 employees all adminstrators are volunteers if they were employees they would be the ones visiting the thousands of cemeteries and entering the information rather than members doing it for FREE so jim tipton can profit from free labor. spotty dotty you and other f.a.g.

members have helped make greedy jim tipton a millionaire. you are the huffy judgmental consumer,,,,no one should profit from our loved ones deaths when we paid for the funerals, grave plots, gravestones, obituaries etc...while jim tipton profits from their deaths and what their loved ones paid for.

f.a.g. does NOT have employees!


And no one is making money off of it! The only way anyone (meaning Jim, the owner) makes any money is if you pay him the fee to remove the ads from the page for that entry. If you don't do that, then NO ONE is making any money on the entry!


The Reece cemetery is not marked private property In the Deed book s

and at any cemetery you must have permission from the owner or cemetery board to allow anyone to be buried there.

Even if the cemetery was on private property it is still public record who is buried there...Which means there is no way to prevent someone from placing it in the Find A Grave web site for the use of genealogy

Joycekay isn't the only one with family connections to the Reece cemetery...there are hundreds of people with relatives buried there

Real estate taxes are paid on the land, not the cemetery. Most cemeteries public and private have a maintenance fund set up for mowing and upkeep.

If it were a private cemetery

Virginia Cemetery code number (§57-27.1).

"Virginia law does require that landowners allow access to cemeteries on private property for the purpose of visitation by family members/descendants or plot owners, and for genealogical research. "

Tony Smit

The Reece cemetery is located in a small close knit Farm land community...

There is a Mobil home a few hundred feet away that you must drive by to get to the cemetery. I don't recall at any time has there been vandalism to any local cemetery.

There also is no copyright infringement unless a patent is filed, then pending until approved.


"no such thing as privacy for the dead. Privacy ends with death"

It isn't a privacy issue, Once you pass away it is public knowledge were you are buried, plain and simple.....Nothing personal or Private is divulged

It seems the directive here is to have others think that those that post on the Find A Grave site are maniacal evil foes of privacy...I assure you, nothing is further from the truth. It is in fact done for genealogy research and nothing more.


OH MY, SERIOUSLY? Get a grip!

If your relative is on findagrave, join, and then tell the person who made the memorial that you wish it to be transferred to you.

seriously people?



:sigh...There is a simple way to help everyone here...Private Cemetery, With Family members only...O.K...Now lets say your uncle Joe was laid to rest there 6o years ago...and his wife, who is not blood kin was laid by him 4o years her family wants to locate her they have the right to visit...common sense..."YES"...Should they contact the family and ask for permission...By All Means possible they should attempt to contact the family and ask...but if they can not reach you...then they should at least contact the local Sheriff and advise them of their intentions...especially if they are out of town and don't have much time on hand...yes there are a lot of "and" "if's" and "Buts'"...this is just a general rule of procedures...the owners can also post family contact numbers in case of such an inquire is made...please stop and think of a solution before you speak and hurt others feelings...they are family in a long distant way....


Why would your Uncles wifes family have to ask permission from the Uncles family if she is buried there unless the cemetery is on private land? Is there something I'm not understanding?


To genealogygirl:If you don't understand the problem maybe you should get a reality check.Some people still believe in privacy and respect for their loved ones that have passed away.Whether it be one year or one hundred years ago does not matter.By the way how do you get the nomenclature for your username? Seems as though you're definitely a "findagrave" minion.


No one can be buried on this private property unless they are a member of the family by blood or marriage. And it is private property.

We pay the real estate taxes and maintain it, of course. We just fill like we have been violated by the a contributor of Find A Grave going onto the property and posting of lists/monuments on its private website for profit.

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#171559 Review #171559 is a subjective opinion of poster.
Greensboro, North Carolina
Find A Grave Website

Find A Grave

Find A Grave
I am member of the Find A Grave forums, but probably not for much longer. On September 26, 2009, under the thread: Subject line reaction was the following joke: "Subject: How do I grave Thought: Find a eager, but not too bright of an assistant. A hunchback would be perfect, and . . . " When a new member pointed out that the joke was not funny (she stated she had Scoliosis) some of the forum members got very rude with her. She tried to get an Administrator to "pull" the joke, but two Administrators thought the joke was funny and no one did anything about the joke. Please if you think this type of joke was truly inappropriate, please email them at: info@***.com. Thank you.
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Find A Grave was sold to Ancestry a year ago or more. Now they delete you're account...even though you have been with the site since the beginning.

They also delete you're memorials you set up for you're family at their whim. They steal you're records because when they delete you're account they keep you're family memorials and lock you out.

I believe this is illegal. Getting someone to do work for you where you profit and they don't is called slavery and that is illegal in the United States.


Hey, you're is a contraction for "you are" not "your" as in the possessive "Your family".

just saying


They only banned you for not following the rules. They remove doubles and if you have burial unknown and it is added to a cemetery the unknown gets removed.

When you join you agree to follow their rules. Do as you want gets you kiked off as it should be.


Looks like that person was in the Lounge, and in there, almost anything goes. I too have Scoliosis but can have fun with it to keep from being depressed over it.

You dont like it, dont go there.

Too many other places to go and things to do on there. Maybe the admins should have deleted it when she asked but like I said, I can make a joke out of it instead of focusing my life on a disability.


Find-a-grave SO many ways. Move on because you are better than those losers.


this site is not worth your attention move on before they suck the life out of you they are vampires


Yes I am a f.a.g. hag and the devil and I love to torment others.

I am soo sorry that I have become such a hateful fool and have nothing better to do than attack and make fun of others but what else am I to nice or no not me. The only virus I found on my computer was herpes & syphilis...I have been a bad hag!


So sorry about my previous response...I do agree it was NOT a joke and the website if full of people like me and the author of the joke that careless about people and we like to use our freedom of speech to attack others...I know I am just a hateful hag please forgive me I know I am going to hades since I have more in common with satan.


Indeed my friend. I learned the hard way not to haggle with an old bag-hag on FDG.

Hags are not cool.

Truly The evils advocates. :sigh :cry



I've been thinking here just a bit, and I think I will forgive you for being an old nag on ***. It is not every day that we can get an apology from a real live HAG.

Thank you soooooooo much!

Best wishes :roll

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#158456 Review #158456 is a subjective opinion of poster.
Ewing, Illinois
Find A Grave Forum
Upon trying to find out information about the cemetery my wife is buried in I find this tasteless Obituary for advertising purposes in an internet listing with a person my wife's family or I do not know leaving "love Always"endearing notes to My wife, and a...
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I hope and pray someone creates a findAgrave memorial for me when I've passed over. It is a blessing to be remembered.

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#151140 Review #151140 is a subjective opinion of poster.
Vicksburg, Mississippi
Find A Grave Website

Find a grave is sick minded.

they think what they're doing is alright. it just hurts people in more ways than just finding out that there loved ones grave is on the internet. PEOPLE DESERVE A RIGHT TO HAVE IT DELETED! me & my family do not want my grandfathers, or other family on there. it is wrong!!!!!!!!!!! i want it deleted now! i love him, & i know for a fact that he would not want it on the internet. he didnt like the internet that much. & now i am starting to not either. its the work of the devil. completely. there making the world a sick place!!!!!! & taking peoples rights away.
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It is amazing to me, that you wrote evil threatening emails to Jim Tipton, kept on complaining and kept on complaining and kept on complaining making a complete spectacle of yourself, and then all of a sudden Find-a-grave is evil. The entire reason that you seem to have been mad is because someone else apparently had the audacity to post a public record, then you wanted it removed so that you could post it, rather than simply asking for a transfer.

You went on and on about that you had MULTIPLE listings, which means, that it is a numbers game for you as well. So then after demanding that your family is removed, and filing a complaint (which did absolutely nothing to Find-a-grave at all), you then got mad because your listings were all removed. I am certain every one will reappear on Find-a-grave because we are legally allowed to copy them. Obituaries, may be copied with written permission as well from the newspaper, which is very easily obtained.

Then you attack people who volunteer to add these submissions so that future generations will have the access to the information. If you don't like Find-a-Grave, perhaps Billion Graves will be a better fit for you, or have you complained and complained over there until you got thrown off of there too? I guess no one ever told you, the entire world does not revolved around you. Numbers are not why people add these submissions, they add them for future generations.

It is not a competition. Find-a-Graves sole purpose is recording cemeteries, nothing more and nothing less.


For God SAKE what the heck I cannot believe how many people have stopped and posted to a distressed family member to judge them for how they feel about this because your genealogy hobby is important to you. Well unlike you genealogy nut this distressed living family member is more important to me than you dumb genealogy.

You know who adds the info to an obit lady THE FAMILY DOES ! YOU KNOW WHO DECIDES TO POST IT ON THE INTERNET LADY?



I find it a bit curious as did one of the other posters that you will post an obituary in the paper but are freaked out by it being on the internet. I am not totally insentive to the feelings of people who have lost a loved one.

But I also was thrilled to death to find quite a few very old family graves from across the country that are helping me in my family search. I just do not have the money to go all over the place myself & or hire people to research for me. So this really is an interesting option for me. I saw that someone posted my great grandmother & Great grandfather's headstone & it had dates I needed.

I also found out they had a child that died in infancy I didn't know about. As I said I do feel for you out there but have some consideration for people like me. I have a huge family on both sides some of who were here in early 1700's. So it is difficult to locate people.

I would be thrilled if someone would do a project of putting on as many old graves as possible.

It would help tremendously. Good luck to all of you who have had problems but don't make it harder for honest decent people like myself.


Texas has allowed to digitize death certificates up to 1999. Many of my ancestors vitals and the cause of death are available to any and all who view these death certificates.

Basically, the dead don't have the right to privacy that living people have. Your granddad could wind up on the internet in many ways - unclaimed property on states' websites, etc.

He's probably there in records at, too. After a point, it's all public knowledge, and living persons' basic right to gain what is known in public records.

Eric A

UPDATE: Since I last posted in December and filing a better business bureau complaint against them, I finally heard from owner Jim Tipton and we talked it out. He's a very *** guy and basiclly said: "It's a pet peeve of mine when people submit BBB complaints regarding Find A Grave. The BBB sees them as a waste of time because they are typically policy disputes, not customer/business disputes. If there's no exchange of money, they basically aren't interested. And, I, personally, certainly see BBB complaints as a waste of time. I let them sit on my desk for weeks or months and then I finally call and explain the situation and they dismiss them."

He reinstated my account (partially) and all my memorials (so clearly nothing is ever truly deleted. I then canceled my BBB complaint.

Since then, the problems all started up again. I submitted several famous memorials only to have them all shot down or given to someone else. Each time something would happen, I would carefully outline it and send it to Jim. No responses.

Then out of the blue, I could no longer access parts of my account. I couldn't go in and change any of my preferences or see my profile page. It appears it was blocked. My memorials were all there, though. So I continued to work on them and wrote to Jim asking why. No response.

I found I could do things, but had to go in backwards. I had to go to one of my memorials, and if I wanted to see my virtual cemeteries, click on that person's virtual cemetery and go in that way. I kept writing to Jim asking what was going on. No response.

So I wrote to him and told him that I was reinstating the BBB complaint and was going to contact the US Copyright Office, the US Attorney General and several of the large media outlets showing how FindAGrave sits back and allows for the stealing of copyrighted materials to be posted on their site.

No response.

Then the other day I was on my high school alumni website (that I am the administrator of) and clicked on a classmates link to his memorial on FindAGrave. It came up as non existent. ***! I started clicking on others, the same thing. So I checked my mom's memorial and sure enough, it was deleted.

All of my memorials have been deleted AGAIN! Guess he finally got wind of my complaints!

I've also written to outlining all of this and requesting that they look into starting a similar service there. They wrote back and told me I'm not the first to complain to them about FindAGrave and that they would indeed check with their programmers and see about offering the "memorial" services.

I know many of you LOVE this site and I did too. But there are too many egos there ruining things for others, and they can't be allowed to destroy hundreds of hours of someone's work (that deals with their loved ones) with the click of a computer key.

I will now work tirelessly to see that either things change there, or the site is taken down and revived somewhere else. No one controls or destroys my work and gets away with it.

Also, are you all aware that if you delete a photo from a memorial, it's never really deleted unless you specifically write them and ask that it be deleted from the server. Even then, can you really trust that they'll do it?


If it wasn't for Find A Grave I wouldn't have needed information on my Family Tree!

I also have to then Pay It adding people that are not in said Cemetery yet.


People who posts obituaries are guilty of copyright law infringement, from my understanding. The people who write the obituary have a copyright on the article, and if you do not have written permission from the author to use the obituary, you are guilty of copyright infringement.


unfair only the people who think they run the site and their friends who gossip and post false and mean ugly things lies about other contribributors there it so unfair to the nice people who have done nothing except get bullied on.


Nottellingmyname needs to grow up and get educated on "rights" before Nottellingmyname posts really *** posts!

I mean seriously?

Knowing there are people out there this uneducated and self centered is a thousand times worse than any site that honors the dead that walked before us.


@ nottellingmyname: If you don't want the info up on Find a Grave then I hope you didn't put an obituary in the PUBLIC newspaper and you should remove your grandfather or his marker from the PUBLIC cemetery!

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#148902 Review #148902 is a subjective opinion of poster.
Ann Arbor, Michigan

Re Find a Grave

I was always courteous and tactful in the forum until the discussion about illegal aliens. One of our police officers was gunned down and killed for stopping a questioning a suspicious person. He was the third officer killed in the line of duty in our an illegal...this year. The discussion became heated, and I was blunt. I wasn't indecent or crude, I just stated my feelings...just like many people do in that forum. I wasn't warned...I was removed, along with the memorials I had created for close friends, and my pet dog. As far as the comments I left with my 'flowers' and graphics....they were made to a dear friend who had a member of his family raped and murdered by an illegal. The murderer got away with it and as far as I know, living in Mexico. I used to spend a lot of time reading the messages left on the memorials...and it seemed to be a place where you could 'speak' with your departed loved one without worrying about 'nosey' censors sticking their two cents in. This is not the case. My deceased friend would have totally understood my comments. While he was alive, he had to put up with people who felt sorry for the illegals, while his family suffered a tragic loss. Find a grave immediately removed his memorial, along with my other memorials, and I was banned permanently. I found it interesting that others could 'hotly' debate any subject without being banned. I guess it just depends on who they like. I was totally aware of the rules. My comments in the forum were my opinions. I didn't post often..but when illegal immigration came up, it hit a nerve. Most of my time on Find A Grave was making special graphics for other people's memorials. I enjoyed this very much, and made many friends. I still keep in touch with these special people...they have never joined the forum discussions...they simply visit their loved ones up there. My mistake was voicing an opinion....I should have stayed out of the forum all together. They have the right to ban who they want...but I think its terrible to remove the memorials that were created. Many people who had nothing to do with the forums visited these memorial often, and left flowers and kind remarks. Why should Find A Grave delete the deceased, their pictures and tokens? I
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#1 Boring Old Me wrote in response to FindAGraveHero: "You are wrong. Memorials ARE deleted when administrators get ticked off about something you say in the chat forum. I know someone who had this happen him. Get your facts straight. The administrators do NOT think the rules of Find A Grave apply to them, and they very arbitrarily do as they wish, no matter what the rules say."

You are absolutely correct, except you should have added that the admins' PETS also can get you banned if you say something they don't like.

I made copies on my computer and then yanked my memorials before they got the chance!


You are wrong. Memorials ARE deleted when administrators get ticked off about something you say in the chat forum.

I know someone who had this happen him. Get your facts straight.

The administrators do NOT think the rules of Find A Grave apply to them, and they very arbitrarily do as they wish, no matter what the rules say.


Please be advised that this person is lying.If someone is banned from the forums, their memorials are never removed, unless the person himself requests it.

Nobody is banned for merely stating his opinion on a contraversial topic. Only for taunting and enflaming other forum members.


What ever you do don’t give them your credit card number to charge for a $5.00 sponsorship. I just got back over $500.00 in charges to my account. The admins are rude, Jim the owner will respond if he thinks there is money for him to make.

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#142502 Review #142502 is a subjective opinion of poster.
Tempe, Arizona
Find A Grave Forum

Find A Grave Admins have bad attitudes

Find A Grave has certain simple rules, such as "don't duplicate interments or cemeteries that are already there", "don't upload post-mortem photos", and "the wishes of family come first". They also strive for accuracy. And in the forums, they frown on bigotry and personal attacks. That said, I do have complaints about the attitude of the administration. They sometimes remove useful features or fix-it threads without giving reasons, or giving cryptic and condescending replies when asked about why they were removed, and locking or deleting such threads to prevent further discussion. They also don't seem to tolerate criticism much, summarily deleting posts or threads critical of their attitudes. They are also not very responsive, and sometimes ban or suspend posters without giving any warnings. Their response-times on fixit threads are also so slow that I don't bother with them anymore. Nevertheless, the site is a valuable resource for genealogists. The Admins merely need a change in attitude. The admins have to work with millions of entries, so they have their hands full, but being overburdened with work is no excuse for a poor attitude.
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Score on this thread

4 complaining-1 praising mainly-1 with the impractical solution of find another site.

Put me down as other than neutral...I need not say here which other than the title of the complaint ring ever so true to me (and site volunteers are well-meaning and unaware of the site problems on the whole).


Find A Grave Admins A J will not give anyone the time of day unless it is a peachy little friend of his. They will say jump and he said how high.

It doesn't matter who is right or who is wrong the peachy one is always right. Jim need to get rid of some people and add some new people on his site. One I know of is AJ. That is why I don't do find a grave anymore.

I joined then I watched what was being done to people not right.Just to let all of you know Walterboro is not a little Town !!! :?


your right, they have *** poor attitudes. they wont give you a reason for deleting you.

my son was deleted, because he was adding tokens to his girlfriend who tradically dies attempting to jump into a car window, while the car was moving, drivin by my son. her family didnt want him on there, so they asked for him to be removed.

then they wouldnt give us an explainion. rude freakin people, expecially the AJ, not sure if it is a man or woman.


It really is a sickening place--getting worse. I do believe what goes around comes around, though.


I really find Find A Grave useful, and contribute lots of entries and photos. I submit entries for people who are not even my relatives. I do think the admin's criteria for "famous people" is a bit patronizing and skewed, and they do not respond to requests to reconsider their decisions.


Most have Brett. I've been around the forum for over 8 years, the admins has the worse attitude, unless of course you are donating money


Than find another site .

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#140029 Review #140029 is a subjective opinion of poster.
Taipei, Tai-Pei


AS for me i found findagrave just what i needed since i was not able to visit my loved ones grave sites i could put one on the web and visit anytime and leave a note flowers pictures what . It has been a blessing for me . and i have posted many lost loved ones on there so other family members could see their loved ones and be happy some family member has remembered their father and mother or brother or sister with ALOHA to put a memorial on the web with pictures so their family members would be able to visit and feel good inside. and see a picture of a loved one they have no pictures of or information to know where they started from in this world and who they are . I am a true believer in Findagrave . They have never demanded anything other than to respect the site in they way they would like that's not hard to do .
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#136750 Review #136750 is a subjective opinion of poster.
Lynnwood, Washington

You're kidding, right?

I can't believe what i'm reading!!! I've been a member of FindaGrave for a few years now and am hooked on it. I've been able to help sooo many people find lost family members. I take pictures of very old gravestones especially and have posted them along with entire cemeteries. One in particular has been a great help for many people. An old asylum. No records available. Just names on stones. It's very moving to hear from folks who have beem searching for "lost family members" of a few generations ago. Many for years and years. How can you complain about something like this? FindaGrave has been a wonderful tool for such a large project. As far as getting help. Asking questions. Pointing out mistakes. I've never had a bad experience. As far as the forums.......i've checked out a few.....stayed with the ones which are of the best interest for what i do.....get out the word for my projects. Try to see if anyone else needs help. If anyone thinks i get paid to post my way! I just like helping people out. It feels great!
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You sound bitter!!! That's really too bad.

Lots of swearing going on too. Is that the only way you can express your anger? Oh, each his own. I'm sorry if what i'm doing........helping out others.....(and i've helped out alot) so repulsive to you.

I'm sorry for you.

You'de better heave that computer right out the window if you think the internet is the work of the Devil!!! You might as well say the same for libraries, schools, newspapers as well.


Why are you posting on a website if you think the internet is of the Devil? That makes no sense at all.

You are absolutely ridiculous, and if *** existed, you'd definitely go there. :upset


It sure sounds like you have the Devil and all the hate that comes with it inside of you.. take a chill pill.

I have done lots of photo by Request of the family members. Do you think Strangers are interested in other people's grave markers? Its for friends and family.

I spend my time cleaning them as i look to the request and i treat it all very respectfully.

What is wrong with the world is so many people so full of hate looking to find fault in others who are trying to be of help.


***, your *** nuts as ***.

family members desvere to delete the so called memorial.

no wonder allot of people hate it.

you & them are the reason the world is so horrible anymore.


you talk about an asylum, but yet you should be in one.

what the *** women?!

so what if you help people, GET THERE *** PERMISSION FIRST.

by the way, go to ***.

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#129673 Review #129673 is a subjective opinion of poster.
Rochester, New York

Find a Grave

My biggest complaint is with our "Forum Royalty ***" or "Virtual Police". They go around and report things that they do not like. You can't even defend yourself or place a comment. They are very rude and ignorant, especially one who calls herself "Hotlips" and the administator allows this. There is no compassion for any-ones feelings. *** needs to take charge of their company and get rid of these "virtual police", they say this is a family friendly site...I'd like to know where the love is cause if you go to the forum it's not there!
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jim tipton is profit-ing from others loss not to mention the millions of photos that volunteers post to the site. tipton is lining his pockets off the backs of others...not only from the photos but from the sponorships.

he does not have a secular job all his income comes from volunteers who put out the gas and time to photograph gravestones and log cemeteries.

he then allows his unscrupolous administration beat down members that have contributed thousands of photos and memorials...ITS A BAD SITE FOR VOLUNTEERS THEY ARE BEING USED & ABUSED BY FIND A GRAVE! BEWARE DO NOT EVER CONTRIBUTE YOU WILL REGRET IT EVENTUALLY.

Matthew U

Wherever you get selfish people together there will always be this kind of behavior, you will have to disregard most of what others say and go with your gut instincts. Although, not everyone has the best judgement, so step lightly and hopefully you can use forums and boards without wanting to get involved with the B.S.

that will be there.

I usually get disgusted after maybe 10 minutes on these sites due to the mindless statements made by so many, if you cannot spell and use proper grammar......I would prefer that you just text message your friends or stay on Facebook with the other mindless people and leave the forums for more intellectual subjects. It does not appear that college helps in any way, shape or form......unfortunately it actually makes them more moronic and useless to society.

Matthew U

I have been a member of "Find-a-Grave" for years, have several memorials there as well. I have completed some gravesite photo requests for others that are not in the area to visit themselves, although I will only participate in photo requests if they are in community cemeteries......I have zero interest in church based graveyards. I was reprimanded a year ago because I refused to complete an assignment after accepting it once I was aware that it was in a church cemetery.

I simply do not want any involvement in their religious ***, there is typically nothing but dishonesty and corruption there anyway. I was respectful at the time when I had to notify them and back-out of the photo request. Again, as a volunteer I reserve the right to not take on an assignment if it doesn't fit in my personal beliefs. I certainly wasn't being compensated for it, it would be 30 minutes in traffic [each way]; time to locate the plot at the office and individual gravesite, then come home and finish up the assignment. When I complete these requests, I use my iPhone 4S that is equipped with an HD quality camera for still pics & video. I also record the exact location by using the GPS coordinates assigned by when taking the images, the iPhone GPS software will give you the longitude & latitude on each photo. This is really helpful so that if someone wishes to visit at a later time, they can just plug these coordinates into their own GPS and it will give them the approximate location [this is usually within a foot +/- at most]. Every reasonable person that I have done an assignment for has been appreciative for the level of detail, including the GPS information for their records.

When I stated that I had no interest in church related tasks [mind you this was made in a polite manner], I was treated like *** both by the admin and the person who had made the request for photos & gravesite location. I reserve the right to reject any assignment that I do not wish to be part of; and for religious requests this is a no-brainer. I don't believe this stuff, and will not tolerate others trying to cram it down my throat. When I am pushed about it, I will simply tell them why and that is my decision not theirs to make for me.

Americans.....they cannot stand it when others want to make their own decisions. At 40 years old, I believe that I can make such conclusions on my own without "jesus" guiding me, unlike most americans.....I CAN think for myself.

I don't care if someone else wants to waste time on religion, just the same I do not want others telling me that I cannot decide what is best for me. Please just keep it to yourself; stop blessing idiots around you, if they want this stuff they can seek it out on their own!!!!!!!!!!


Do any of you think that complaining on some distasteful site is doing any good? I mean come on grow up.

Jim owns this site and runs it the way he wants to run it.

um verbally abusive volunteers verbally abusive help forum verbally abusive administration participants stalking and threatening family members. which site were you talking about being distasteful this one we are posting on?

or the one that has volunteers attacking the mother of a 6 year old girl who felt violated when a stranger photographed her daughters grave and created a memorial for her and posted it on the web. I believe they are telling her to get over herself.


This is the way it goes in all forums unfortunately. People can be rude anyway but you give 'em a fake username & wow.

On their forum I report dup cemeteries & that's about it. If you read the rules & stick with them you usually can't go wrong therefore don't really need the forums.


Some people on the forums are sometimes not so nice. Amazingly, this is the same just about everywhere on planet earth!

"If you can't swim, don't ump in the water"


"missed forever"

appears to be someone who works for Tipton the owner or quite possibly is Tipton.

Whoever it is, it is not a normal posting but one from someone with animus against these complainers.

In fact it resembles the very attitudes from which the complaints stem. Thus adding to the likelihood that "missed forever" is one of the Admin types of the site.


I thought this was a consumer site. How can one be a comsumer when they were given something free no strings attached?

I for one do not care if Jim is becoming a rich man from this site (which is very unlikely) being able to visit my loved ones memorials is worth all the money in the world.

I don't understand why the crybabies don't just take their memorials and start their own site. There are tons of FREE sites you can use.

I have never seen anyones memorials be deleted for no reason. When it does happen it is because simply rules can't be followed.

Are you complainers going to carry this with you for the rest of your lives? How is complaining on here memorializing your loved ones? Get over it and yourselves!!!!!!!


This whole thing really amuses me. I mean all the whining and belly aching is still going on for no reason. If you don't like it leave.

Do any of you think that complaining on some distasteful site is doing any good? I mean come on grow up. Jim owns this site and runs it the way he wants to run it.

Here's an idea for you open your own site then you can make your own rules.


The admins believe they own your ancestor, father, brother, sister and mother, particularly once they declare them "Famous" such as several of my near kin.

Their rules are not posted and seem to be made up as they deal with problems.

They do not advertise that a descendant, who is a direct relative can obtained control of their loved one's obituary, but apparently a spouse, who is not a direct relative in any sense of the word direct, may or may not, depending on who reads their hidden rulebook.

Pompous is not sufficient to describe their attitudes on your loved ones.

They can post an incorrect photo, write a pitiful memorial and still think that by your relative being determined to be Famous, you have to seek council approval to have any possible say.

These people should be exposed for the fascist group of narrow-minded control freaks that are so removed from the broad minded control freaks of the wikipedia community who truly do strive for rational control to prevent errors existing for very long. Wikipedia is no find a grave and the attitudes of the policies and one or more of the admins in rudeness and insensitivity must be exposed to the light of public day.

Until changes are made,

Find A Grave (Findagrave) will remain a site run under corrupt standards warped by those in the power to change them to well-known standards that are not subject to the arbitrary caprice and retaliation of any Admin for treating him as a servant of those who expect quality and instead get Find a Grave indifference and disrespect of your kin folks, a disrespect which should be punishable by at least 24 hours in the olden days Puritan stocks.

CP has it only partially right:

" I think I would just bypass this site " for such as they deserve to have the standards discussed above revealed to the same world that they are making money off of and laughing as Ninja, Royalty and all kinds of disrespectful names, attitudes and actions.

[This post would never reach publication on their blogs as they censor all BAD NEWS, as defined by them, and the truth about them wherever written is the


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#114211 Review #114211 is a subjective opinion of poster.
Bridgewater, Massachusetts
Find A Grave Forum

Find a grave should be find a heartache

Find a grave says that membership is free and that you can sponsor a loved one's site and post pictures. They do not have a complete set of rules anywhere on the site. They make them as they go. Instead of helping and being understanding to other's grief they are the most rude administrators I have ever been in contact with. They have a small group of forum members that are giving preferential treatment and if you ever disagree with them your memorials and sponsorships are gone. They will delete a loved ones memorial in a second and give no consideration to your grief. Admin's will not contact you for any reason except when they want to give a rude response to you. Not a site I would recomend to anyone. Very poor management.
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poor ignorant larry must be a newbie and is not aware that the faq's have changed several times over the years they are "frequently ask questions" they are NOT RULES!


Have you ever read the Find A Grave Questions & Answers? Everything you need to know including guidelines are there!!!!!!!!!!


I was amazed at all the negative comments surrounding the findagrave website. When you are the one going through it, you don't realize that others have had the same bad experiences and in some cases much worse ones. There are legions of people complaining about the website. I thought was the main venting place but there are many others all over the web.

If there is an example of how NOT to run a website, it looks like findagrave has found it. I have been in contact with well over 100 people that experienced problems, if not out and out harassment from the members and admin of the site. There is actually a lawsuit pending regarding the lost work involved by some of the former members.

The worst part for findagrave though, is they have become a joke to the community. Findagrave thinks it's flexing it's muscles when it deletes accounts and removes other people's work. But what they are really doing is creating dead links that ancestry had listed as relevant information. This has made look bad and they do not take that lightly.

A friend of mine works at and they receive a multitude of complaints about dead links from findagrave all the time. It's my understanding that ancestry has to remove all the findagrave links from their site and disassociate themselves from them.

I mean when you have the largest website in the industry actually linking to your site that's a big deal. But they blew it - All because they wanted a select few to be the big fish in a little pond.

It's mind boggling! Actually, it's a shame because findagrave had an opportunity to be one of the "big" ones but instead they let their egos and troublemakers ruin their chances of ever being taken seriously. :x


I have had similar experiences. This site is a dictatorship and it hides behind the guise of helping others connect with their loved ones.

They are despicable!

I too have experienced the rudeness of the admins, the failure to respond, and the deletion of years worth of work due to preferential treatment of another member. The member's name is BB - no bio given. At the time of her attack on me, I had been a member for nearly 9 years.

The BB member was listed as having been a member for 3 years. She spammed my email box with claims of duplicate listings. I let her know that I did not have duplicates as the originals were incorrect and although I contacted the original creators I had never received an answer. Also, some of her claims of duplicates were just flat out lies.

In most cases they were two completely different people. This woman was trolling the entire site 'looking' for duplicates and her wall was filled with messages from other members that complained of her harassment and spamming, all in regards to so called dupes. I told her that I had no idea why she kept hounding me about these so called duplicates when the listings didn't even belong to her. Then one day, my account was deleted.

All my work was gone. I contacted the admins but never did get a response. That was 6 months ago and still nothing. I checked the BB profile and suddenly she's been a member for 9 years now.

She was able to change that, which tells me she IS the admin. She's one of those "numbers" submitters and couldn't care less if her info is correct or not. She has absolutely no regard for anyone's grief and after my work was deleted SHE entered MY information as her own.

Be very wary of this site. :roll


"I let her know that I did not have duplicates as the originals were incorrect . .



??? If there are originals, then the ones YOU newly create become the DUPLICATES - except in bizarro world


I was banned recently for disagreeing with some of the lifer/lurker types on the discussion board. No cursing, no personal attacks on any specific individual ... just disagreeing with them.

Beware of this site. And trust me, they read this message board. They quote it all the time and make fun of the people who post here. They know exactly who you people are, and they wish they could ban you here too -- but this is beyond their reach. And it gets to them.

Trust me -- you can get their goat here. We're not talking about a group of mature adults here, we're talking about a bunch of Mall Cops (my apologies to Mall Cops everywhere).


after my three postings I REALIZED that this maybe a wrong site to request of adding my "LOVED ONES". To all of you that take pictures and ensure that our LOVED ones are with us not only in our hearts, but pictures of their final resting place-I feel ashamed that there are thoes of you that are unhappy and make a fool of yourselves in your post. Shame on you.


These are great posts and there are lots of great things that this website has done one was when a man thanked me for posting such a nice memorial for his father, please could you add the names of his sons, my brother is over fighting the war and has not been able to vist our fathers grave like the rest of us have :sigh I was like wow how wonderful. GET THIS STRAIGHT THOUGH !!!

The bad is waiting in the back wings my account was banned after five years for creating the only memorial in the maple lawn cemetery for a man named stephen jewett a *** hoarder created one 30 days before me and lobbed her memorial in a random cemetery and then told me she deleted then moved it to the correct cemetery lied to the administrator and said i intentionally duplicated. the woman 505 firefly also has a habit of this and threatens family members who get upset when she throws their grandmas name in the wrong cemetery for the purpose of increasing her number count. The administrator banned me because i asked my name not be in the memorial that has a link to her profile they are reading my name and they go to her nameless profile and read her attacking grandchildren of those she memorialized. They banned me the administrator deleted 5,000 memorials i walked cemeteries for and researched photographed edited and uploaded all because someone else broke the rules and threatened people i reported her bio 5 different times if she was not threatening family she was threatening other volunteers because they were upset she broke rules.

I was banned i think that was Julies the administrators mom who was attacking people and lobbed people with fake burial info. people as long as 10 year members have been burned by the very system mentioned in this post


I think FindAGrave is a wonderful site and it has helped me deal with the loss of my mom and also helped me with genealogy // i have had only positive communication with the *** administrators // no site is perfect and a volunteer site is only as good as the volunteers that are willing to respectfully communicate with the administratros in making the web site a great place to remember and honor those that have gone before us //


@Jim Bob: A lawsuit? Seriously? What was the loss you suffered/the grounds for your lawsuit?


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#114161 Review #114161 is a subjective opinion of poster.
Dawsonville, Georgia
Find A Grave Forum