Mount Laurel, New Jersey
Not resolved

My mother passed away 3 months ago. But I recently found out that some stranger posted a memorial to my mother a year ago. She had her gravestone set up in advance. There was no death date but that didn't stop them. They just put "????" for the death date. Obviously, if they are posting living people as dead, their standards for accuracy are rather slim.

I have contacted them and got no response or apology, although the contributer did immediately remove the bogus memorial. I have however, received an email from a "friend" who is a find a grave contributer, who basically told me to get it removed and move on with life.

I personally think that people need to give the families time to grieve before they go posting information on strangers. To them, the graves are just rocks with words. To us, they are our family members. I just wish they would stop hiding behind the response that they are "preserving their memory so they won't be forgotten." That is MY job not theirs. Go preserve your own family members, and let me preserve the memories of MY loved ones.

Do You Have Something To Say ?
Write a review


You will be automatically registered on our site. Username and password will be sent to you via email.
Post Comment

These people are so disturbing and unable to show any humanity but welcome to find-a-grave. Jim Tipton wants to make people feel violated he has emotionally disturbed people working for free running this site It is a Breeding ground for the stereotypical wife beater to prey on the vulnerable.

Oh just because dates and stones are there that is an excuse for you to stop being human... good to know


SEE THE LIGHT" wrote to the OP: "I am glad you dont use the site, and I wont be seeing you there, good riddence!"

Just wait until you say that (or even something innocuous) to the wrong pet of one of the admins at f.a.g. and they get you banned just for disagreeing with them.

Your "almighty holier-than-thou" attitude could change overnight!

And I truly hope it does. And good "riddence(sic)" to YOU!


If a marker is in a cemetery the information is there. Pure & simple. The rules of posting pre need markers did not change until Dec. 2009, before they were acceptable.

Also, take a look at the 1000's of transcripts avaiable online, chances are you will find the marker listed there as well.

Photos of markers are placed to preserve the posterity of a cemetery, not to disrespect others.

It is not required to remove a pre need unless it was created after Dec. 2009 or unless the CLOSE famiuly requests it. In your case you had every right to request it's removal, however before getting all uptight you need to take a closer look at the reasons behind such a posting.


There are some dilly FAGers here on this forum, alright. Sorry about that.

Most, however, are very sweet and don't you to have a moment's anquish. You are absolutley correct that this stone should never have been uploaded. The rules are against doing that. I'm glad the uploader removed the page for you.

Some of the above *** members give us the rest of us a bad name. :sigh


How about paying the engraver? If she paid for her services ahead of time OBVIOUSLY she didn't know when she was going to die. DUH!


It states right in the FindAGrave FAQs:

Is it acceptable to add a memorial for someone who is still living?

Please try to avoid it. In general, we do not encourage adding memorials for individuals that are still living. We do realize, however, that when transcribing a cemetery, it is not always possible to determine if the person is living or not. If it is obvious that they are still living (e.g. "1910 - ____ ), please do not add them to Find A Grave. You are always welcome to create a 'pre-need' memorial for yourself, if you would like, provided that you have a pre-need headstone already in place in a cemetery.


Calm down. It did not suggest your mother was dead. It recorded her public headstone which your family placed.

There are tens of thousands of pre-need stones listed on find a grave.

Patty Childress

I'm terribly sorry for your loss. I don't think you understand the purpose of this site.

At least you know where your mother is buried many people don't. This site can't provide psychiatric services but I'm sure there is someone in your home town who could refer you to someone to help you deal with your grief.


Well I guess people have to complain about something.


Not a problem! I don't want to be associated with a group of cruel people who don't care about the needs of the family and only care about the number of stones they incorrectly document.


I will not be responding here again. You are sick


In Every state, if you place a grave marker with your date-of-birth on it, before you die... You are stating that you dont mind the information being released as you are placing the information in a public place for witnesses to find. If you place a marker in a graveyard, you know you are going to die at some time. Some of these before death memorials are simly someone posting that they found a stone, they dont post "OH LOOK THAT PERSON IS DEAD" not at all.


So if you want to misinterpret that, it isnt anyone elses problem.

I am glad you dont use the site, and I wont be seeing you there, good riddence!


I don't think anyone in find a grave is trying to do any wrong, but they are trying to help others, I recently found this site an I really believe this site has help me. To me, this site is wonderful

tool and I would hate to lose it because of complaining when the information is for public use.

From what I have read, this site has never claim to be a genealogy tool.

There are special sites for that for a fee. :?


I don't think YOU get it. They posted my mother's info and called her dead when she was STILL ALIVE.

You are the rudest person I have ever met. I do not take well to people telling me to "get over it." Why don't you try to deal with the fact a public website said my mother was dead when she was still alive, when she was struggling with terminal cancer, didn't apologize for the mistake, and didn't care that they got the information wrong? I don't like it, and I DON'T use the site.

I have actually found another memorial website that I use. Grow up and get a heart.


I think most of you just don't get it. All the information that is on Findagrave is public information.

So you don't need to use the site to get the same information. Secondly the law states that a Death has to be given a public notice. When that happens it becomes public record. If you don't like the Law then have your politicians change it.

Otherwise deal with it and move on. And last thing. To have your family or loved ones immortalized on a website can be a great thing. There are millions of more people out there that thank the site for letting them see there loved ones anytime they want.

There are many more people that are happy with the site then the people that complain. So if you don't like it don't use the site.


I this not always the people starting the site that does this. A starnger also posted memorials for my husbands grandparents, come to find out her family were freinds with one of their parents and posted it in their memory.

Make it special in your own way, add what you want, a special story, photo, etc. This site is used for researchers and some are just volunteers who mean good and sometimes don't stop to think just because it would not bother them that is may be received in a negative way by someone else. Don't take it as an insult. An example, everyone got so mad when 9/11 happened and other countries laid the American flag down on the ground as a memorial, and in another country they had signs that said USA and they all had their middle fingers up. In the one country, that is how they paid respect to their country, they did not know that in the United States it was an insult, and the other country putting up the middle finger means Number 1 so they thought they were saying USA is #1 but Americans did not take it that way.

Go personalize your loved ones grave memoirals and make it a positive. Good luck and God bless.


Even if they aren't a genealogy site, don't you think they should care enough to not say that a LIVING person was DEAD? That is beyond inexcusible.

"Popular" does not make it right.

Hitler was popular. Didn't make him right.


Find a grave has never claimed to be a genealogy site. It is a simple cemetery recorder, no more, no less. Those thinking it is a genealogy site need to take a look at the guidelines BEFORE cutting down a very popular site.


Find a grave has never claimed to be a genealogy site. It is a simple cemetery recorder, no more, no less. Those thinking it is a genealogy site need to take a look at the guidelines BEFORE cutting down a very popular site.


I feel that you have every right to be upset over this situation.

Had I made such a blunder, when notified I would have corrected the gaff. Above all else I would have taken the time to apologize.

Personally, I spend a lot of time documenting old internments and try to be respectful of those who have gone on before me.

I believe that most of the Find-A-Grave people are truly interested in preservation and documentation, not slipshod work.


Find A Grave should know to do Genealogy you need a source of where the information came from not just a name, date of birth and death date. That is not genealogy.

This site is not worth being called a genealogy site.They need to change their rules and get it right. :(